Chapter Twenty Eight - I will sing again

There was a real sense of Rob being upstairs that made Seren want to leave. She imagined his body snoozing on top of the covers, and ached to return to him so she could cover him and slip herself into the curve of his body. But Kristen was all too hospitable to say no to. She took her coffee and sat back down on the high stools. She watched Kristen pour her own coffee and noted the nervous way she had about her. Awkward and timid, but wholesome too.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted milk..." She said, passing a small jug across the counter.

Seren poured some in and stirred it. The taste of it against the whisky residue was strange, but her stomach somehow settled. And she wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or nerves.

"Thankyou." She said, and wondered where this whole thing was going.

"You know, I've never seen him like this before." 

Seren was taken aback, but Kristen was smiling. She stirred the milk into her coffee and tapped it against the side of the cup.

"I didn't know him when he was with his last girlfriend, that's probably why." 

Seren smiled back and tried to ease herself into the conversation lightly. Girl talk....something she usually reserved for people she knew a little better. She had been told about Kristen's evasiveness, expected her to be a closed book. But what she percieved now, was someone opening up without any reserve. 

"How long have you known Rob?" She asked.

"About a year. Since before Twilight. We auditioned and rehearsed together before filming."

She wondered how Michael had taken that. But knew they weren't at a point in the conversation to air that thought.

"He thinks the world of you." She replied, and Kristen smiled again. But this time it was different. She looked out of the window longingly, as if avoiding Seren's eyes. 

"It's shit like that which always gets in the way."

And immediately Seren saw that side of her she'd anticipated. She almost said sorry until Kristen shook her head, and returned to being the smiling girl. 

"It's not that I don't....think the world of him too....it's just hard. We've got another two Twilight movies to do. Premieres, press junkets, photo shoots. And when the world expects something, they'll look into anything and make it something it isn't."

Seren tried to understand. "Must be hard for you."

"If I didn't have Michael, it would probably be easier. Because it bothers him so much. But now Rob has you...and there's no pretending. They can't pretend that shit anymore."

She was reffering to the media, in that same monotone way Rob did. 

"It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks."

But Kristen seemed to get angry, and resentful. And Seren almost regretted agreeing to the coffee. 

"What do you think?" She asked. And there it was one. The one thing neither of them had wanted to say. 

Biting her lip, there was the urge to be honest. And the knowledge that keeping quiet would probably be easier. But the way Kristen looked at her was almost too much to bear. She wasn't the evasive hard nosed person she was portrayed to be. She wasn't aloof. She was heartbreakingly open, but only if she trusted you. Seren knew that. And here she was, in the palm of this girl's hand. She trusted her enough to ask. She owed her that much. 

"I thought...at first, that you were his girlfriend. Before anything happened. But that's only because I was stupid enough to google his name. I had no idea who he was. I wanted to know. But then he told me the situation. And I knew he was telling the truth. So now I know what I know, and the world can go fuck itself."

Kristen held up her cup of coffee for a toast. Seren put hers up too. 

"Amen to that." Kristen said.

And suddenly, in that moment, Seren wondered what the hell she'd been doing wasting her time worrying about this unassuming little woman who has obviously in love with her boyfriend, but who had managed to find a kindred spirit in someone else. 

"I should probably get to bed." She said, not wanting to spoil the perfect commeraderie between them. 

"I'm glad we had this talk." Kristen sighed, taking the now empty cups over to the sink. "I thought you might hate me or something."

Seren drew a long breath. "Whatever I thought, it was never that. I could never hate somebody he loves."

And Kristen's smile was bittersweet. "I can only hope he knows how lucky he is."

"To have us both." Seren replied, and Kristen nodded. 

There was a genuine look of warmth between them then. And it occured to Seren that she had achieved what she came to do. Even though she hadn't known it at the time. To put to rest her doubts about this woman that her lover held in such high regard. If there was anything sexual in it, it was simply the chemistry portrayed on the screen. They loved each other, this was clear. But he didn't love Kristen like he loved her.
"I'm really glad he found you." She said then, unexpectedly. "He was drowning in this. And there was only so much I could do for him."
Drowning? She thought about his smile, his happy go lucky ways, his endearing sarcasm and the way he made everything ok. And then she thought about those camera's, those crowds. And felt guilty, because she'd done nothing to take the hurt away. Or maybe she had, and hadn't noticed....
"I never thought..." And she hesitated with the words. "Meeting him was the most unexpected thing in my life. I didn't even know I was drowning until he saved me."
Kristen moved towards her slowly, her face drawn serious and intent. "You saved each other, then."
"Something like that." Seren sighed.
"You know you'll never have it like regular people do."
But Seren shrugged. "There is nothing regular about it. I loved him quicker than I should have."
"I don't think love comes with the right speed." Kristen said, turning out the kitchen light and heading towards the stairs.
Seren followed her as she went into one of the bathrooms and handed her the toothpaste.
"Did you love Michael quickly, or slowly?" She asked, confident now that she could ask.
Kristen smiled, a quirky half smile as if she was remembering something sweet.
"I'm not sure. We met on a movie set and by the end of the shoot we were a couple. Some people would say that's quick, but it doesn't matter. You feel what you feel."
Seren could feel the waves of tiredness wash over her. It had been too long a night. She was still jet lagged and her body ached.
"Well...I guess I'll see you in the morning." She said, heading towards the room where Rob was sleeping.
Kristen nodded her ascent. "Goodnight."
Seren turned and put her hand up in farewell. "Night. And thanks again for the toothpaste."

Morning came too soon. The sound of Rob's phone vibrating on the nightstand reverberated around the sun drenched room. She had forgotten to close the curtains, somehow in her tired daze, and slipped into bed without knowing how bright it would be. Rob fumbled around and knocked his phone to the ground. Leaning out of the bed, Seren pushed the curtain closest to her away and realised if they were going to get any semblance of darkness she would have to get up and close them. She was dizzy and still dreaming as she pulled them shut and welcomed the relative darkness. Rob was already leaning over, searching with his eyes closed for the phone which refused to stop vibrating. He groaned as he picked it up and squinted into the screen. Seren put her head against the cold side of the pillow and wished it was still the middle of the night.
"Yes?" Rob grunted. "What, when? ....No.... I wasn't aware of that.....Well, I'll be back in two days....Can't you just change it? ....Well it would have been nice to have been told BEFORE I left....No, No....It's fine. Ok,bye."
"Problem?" Seren asked, her eyes still closed and unwilling to fully wake.
"That was my manager, Nick. Just some interview I'm meant to do today that he failed to tell me about. I can do it over the phone though. No big deal, It just means I'll have to take the call for about an hour or so. You don't mind?"
She mmm'd her response and tried to go back to sleep. But Rob's body heaving off the bed made her turn and she watched him go into the bathroom.
"Shit..." He proclaimed.
She peered into the bathroom through the open door. "Another problem?"
"You try taking a piss with a hard on." He muttered, and she smothered her giggles into the pillow which smelt of him.
"I can only imagine..." She guffawed.
When he was finished he came over to her and curled the bedsheets around them.
"Let's stay here all day." He whispered. " Fuck L.A..."
She wished she could agree to it. "You've got interviews, and I'm sure Kristen would love that."
But he didn't seem to care. "She'll be on set by now..."
And suddenly Seren remembered Kristen was still working, and somehow felt bad for keeping her up late talking.
"So we have the place to ourself?" She asked, feeling his hard on against her.
He would have gone further, if not for the unmistakeable sound of the cleaner moving about downstairs.
"Beach?" He asked, sighing disappointedly.
"Sure. But first..." And she kissed him on the lips and promised to be quiet.
He didn't protest. "I always get the horn when I'm hungover." He said, laughing as they pulled their clothes off.
Silently she let him get her aroused and when the moment came she bit her lip against the agonized moans she longed to release. He was going slow, trying to keep the bed movements to a minimum. And in the half light of the morning, he looked down on her longingly. She kissed him softly, and felt this time all the love surging between them. She whispered it to him once or twice, and he replied softly with "I love you....God, I love you..." As his lips brushed against her cheek.
It was in the moment, but more than that, she knew she had decided wholeheartedly. But in that moment, as they made love, she told him in fevered whispers, "I will sing again....I promise...I will sing..."
And he thrust harder, holding her body tighter as if this was his response. And she knew she'd made him happy as she felt him convulse inside her, and when they were done he had brought her to tears.
"Thankyou." She said.
But he shook his head. "You knew it, I think it wasn't me."
"Either way. You're the reason I'm here, the reason I finally dealt with it."
Rob's hand came across her stomach and traced the skin there. "I wish it could stay like this."
"Like in the movies?" She asked jokingly.
He laughed softly. "This is better than the movies. Movie love is as technical as it gets. None of it is smooth, or natural. Always choreographed. My first kissing scene with Kristen I was pulled back by a rope and slammed into a prop wall. My first kissing role at all was with a man...and that was no mean feat."
She loved listening to him, to his voice, the way he spoke. She barely noticed when he spoke about Kristen and for the first time that tinge of jealousy was not there.
"You came to New York to put roots down. And you've begun to do that. I wouldn't dream to ask you to come with me."
But I would, if you asked me. But you won't ask me, will you? Because you want the best for me...She thought, and was shocked by the bitterness of it.
"You are my roots. Every moment of real happiness I've had there is because of you. I could be anywhere in the world, and I'd be content. I think, perhaps, you are my home now."
The sentiment was genuine enough, and he knew it. New York would have been unbearable for him without her too. But here, in LA, everything felt different. He was different. So was she.
"Would it matter to you where we were, then?" He asked.
She thought about it. "I have moved my whole life. It's not a big deal. What are you saying?"
He shrugged and pulled away from her to grab the cigarettes from the night stand.
"Nothing. I've still got 4 weeks of shooting Remember Me left. It's enough time to be together before..."
Before everything changes. Before you leave for Vancouver and we must learn how to be together while we're apart. 
"It doesn't matter now, does it?" She said, lighting up her cigarette and trying to forget.
He smiled and leaned back, inviting her into his arms. "No....not now. Now....we'll go to the beach."
But it did matter. And no amount of sun, sand, sea or sex could change that. But she resolved to sweep it under the carpet....for now.

Chapter Twenty Seven - Kristen

He was jovial and funny, and his usual sarcastic comedy genius as they showered and dressed. She relished in his excitement and always loved it when he was in this playful mood. But there was a shadow hanging over her, knowing it was because they were going to meet Kristen. And that jealous pang was there again, and she wondered if he had ever been this excited to see her.

Painstakingly wondering which clothes to wear, Rob shook his head in dismay.

"It doesn't matter what you wear. We're not going anywhere special." He told her.

Special? This was a big deal. And Seren scrunched her gypsy skirt tightly between clenched hands. In the end she decided on her old worn skinny jeans, tshirt and waistcoat. Of course, Rob's compliments that she looked beautiful were always welcome. But tonight she didn't seem to care.

"Look, you're over thinking this." He said, packing the last of his things into his bag. "I don't know why you're making this such a big deal."

Because the world thinks she's your girlfriend. Because she obviously means so much to you. Because it's important to me that the people you care about most like me....

"Wouldn't it be a big deal to you, if you were meeting someone important to me?" She almost whispered.

He put his things down and smiled at her, as if all the pieces of the puzzle were coming together.

"Is that it? You want to make a good impression?" And he laughed a little.

"Don't laugh!" She scolded.

He tried to stifle it. "I'm sorry, no you're right. It's not funny. I just had no idea..."

He laid his lips on her forehead and she felt it warm and soft. Closing her eyes she wondered if he was right, and not her. That she had been over thinking it.

"Kristen's my friend. She understands me in a way most other people, besides those closest to me, don't. We went into this Twilight thing together. And when it blew up in our faces we had each other to fall back on. She's just a normal girl, she found it as hard as I did."

It was probably a little bit of both. She probably was over thinking it, but she knew she was right too. And now that he knew, he held her hand tightly as their cab pulled up outside a high gated house in the hills. They opened slowly, and the house behind them was large and inconspicuous. Every house she'd seen so far had been this big, and she wondered if it were a standard. The front door was shrouded in a porch with low lighting and Seren stopped to check herself before the inevitable. She took a deep breath.

"She will love you." He whispered, and the door moved.

And then all Seren's worries seemed to slip away. A tiny girl slipped through the opening in the door. She was so much smaller than Seren thought she would be, a good 3 inches shorter and a lot slimmer. But there was no threat here. Her looks were almost boyish against Seren's curves. She was smiling enigmatically as she embraced Rob tenderly and then looked at Seren expectantly. And suddenly it occured to her, even though the thought had seemed ludicrous to her, that perhaps this was important to Kristen too. She extended her hand politely, probably would have hugged her, but she appeared nervous and so held herself back. Seren shook her hand gratefully and complimented her beautiful house.

"Ah thanks." Kristen said. "Come in."

They took their bags and she noticed in the light of the house that Kristen was far more ordinary than she'd expected. Dressed in a pair of skinny jeans not unline her own, she wore an oversized tshirt tied in a knot at her hip. Her hair was short and black, like someone had just hacked into it with a pair of scissors. Dark circles hung under eyes, and Seren realised she wasn't wearing any make up.

"It's not as bad as I thought it would be." Rob said.

And Kristen pulled at her hair and rolled her eyes. "It rocks." She said defiantly.

"She's playing Joan Jett." He explained to Seren, who nodded and tried to look impressed.

But Kristen didn't seem to notice, and only lead them towards a brightly lit kitchen with an island in the middle of the room with pizza laid out. Sitting there was a man, who looked almost as tired as Kristen. He came to shake Rob's hand and then held his arms out to greet Seren. She had no idea who he was, but she greeted him with a hug and accepted his invitation to go and eat. It soon occured to her that nobody was going to enlighten her on who this man was. Just that he was there and both Rob and Kristen knew him...

But what did it matter? She was there, and so far so good.

"I see the paps have been pretty bad." Kristen said, offering the pizza around.

There were no plates, they were just eating straight from the boxes. Seren liked this.

"They're fucking vultures." Rob almost spat and his genuine hatred for them was seeped in every word.

The man who had introduced himself as Michael shook his head.

"Man, you gotta roll with the punches. It's better in Vancouver. Just tough it out."

And Rob nodded in agreement. It struck Seren that his man was obviously threatened by Rob's presence, but respected him too. And then it became obvious who he was, as Kristen moved behind him and he leaned his head back for a passing kiss. She obliged and picked up another slice of pizza. Rob looked away, and smiled at her in a way she thought would break her heart. He loved her. And he loved Kristen. But not in the same way.

"So Seren...Rob said you'd just moved to New York." Kristen piped up, interrupting the look between them.

She turned away as if she hadn't noticed and explained what had brought her to the city. Kristen seemed genuinely interested, engrossed even, in her tales from the commune.

"I'd totally be good at that." She said afterwards. "I could totally live like that."

But Seren looked around at the integrated kitchen, and the sparkle of the swimming pool outside and wondered if she had any idea what it was really like. Many people liked the idea of living on a commune, but the reality never really lived up to the fantasy. The truth was, sometimes it was hard to live amongst people like that.

"Tell them about the Greenpeace boat." Rob urged, clearly enjoying the attention being lavished on her.

Kristen raised an eyebrow.

"I spent Christmas on a protest boat in the Arctic when I was a kid." Seren offered.

Michael and Kristen waited to hear more, but she wasn't sure what to say. It was been two months of cold and waiting. But their eyes prompted more.

"It wasn't really the Arctic." She confessed. "It was kinda more like Canada. But my brothers told me we were in the middle of the Arctic and polar bears would come if I pissed them off."

She smiled uneasily but their eyes were looking at her, almost amazed. .

"What did you do?" Kristen asked.

"My mom was always with my Dad..." She swallowed hard, Rob shot her an uneasy look that was so fleeting none would notice. " So I was with my brothers, and my sister mostly. Watching for wales, playing games, protesting..."

All ears were on her. "We went to these graves one day, one of the rare days off the boat. They were in the middle of nowhere. I found out later they were to do with this huge expedition that got lost hundreds of years ago but I never knew at the time. And another day we were followed by a pod of Orca Wales, one of them got so close we went down onto one of the life rafts to get closer. That was pretty cool."

Michael pointed a finger at her. "You're talking about the John Torrington grave, right?"

Seren shrugged.

"Yeah..." He added, getting almost excited. "Those things are legendary. They were the first to die on the Franklin Expedition to find the northwest passage. These dudes died first and got buried in the ice and then in the 80's they dug them up again and their bodies were preserved like...almost perfectly. And you went there??? Man, that is cool."

He seemed genuinely impressed. But Seren had always thought of it as one of those things which was part of her childhood. It was the fact she had spoken so freely which shocked her most. She was comfortable, and it wasn't something she'd anticipated.

"That's pretty awesome." Kristen added, her tiny frame moving from side to side in the bar stool. She bit her bottom lip and nodded for some reason unknown to Seren.

Rob seemed pleased and that's all that mattered. He held his hand against the small of her back and moved it against her gently.

"I'd better get going..." Michael suddenly announced, sliding down off his stool and swinging his jacket round his shoulders. "I'm sorry guys, I've got a 4am start, good to see you again Rob. Nice to meet you Seren..."

And he hugged her again, and she was sorry to see him go. A little more sorry than Rob seemed. But she didn't want to ask while they were in Kristen's company. Walking Michael to the door, Seren took her chance while they had a brief moment in the kitchen.

"What's the deal with you and him?"

Rob was taken aback. He looked at her perplexed. How had she noticed?

"It's nothing major. He just doesn't like the media thing either. Like it's my fault."

And there was a hint of bitterness there that Seren decided not to persue. Of course this guy was pissed off that his girlfriend was being photographed with someone else. She understood him, like Kristen and Rob had their mutual understanding.

"It's only natural." She said, and he put his pizza down.

"Yeah but it's not like I invited the attention, or like Kristen did either." He said, defending himself.

And she was sorry for bringing it up.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise it was such a sore spot for you."

He shook it off like it was nothing, as was his way and shoved the pizza in his mouth. "No danger..." He said through chews.

When Kristen came back her face looked sullen for a moment, and then she smiled and brought out a bottle of Jack Daniels from the cupboard. Rob's eyes lit up, and suddenly Seren felt left out again.

"Twilight wrap party part 2?" Kristen asked, and Seren flinched.

Rob laughed. "We had our own after after party." He explained. "I got so drunk on this I honestly thought it was game over. I had to be carried to bed."

Seren didn't want to imagine him like that. She'd seen him drunk, when he was lovable and foppish. But it was hard work taking care of wasted people. Kristen poured out three shots and offered one to Seren. She downed it, in the face of the hospitality she'd been shown. And then they descended into a conversation about their respective filming projects. And Seren was left to the sidelines.

He didn't want to offend his friend by changing the subject. He genuinely wanted to know how things were going with her. But he could feel Seren at his side, munching pizza as if she was a thousand miles away from him. He didn't want to alienate her either, but it couldn't be helped. He resolved that he wouldn't let the conversation dominate for long, and he spoke about his long filming hours and how much he liked his co-stars he hand never left the small of Seren's back. Before he knew it, they had polished off half of the bottle of Jacks. And when he looked at Seren, she was still nodding politely at every word Kristen said. I've been an idiot...he thought. I don't deserve you...

"Anyway, that's enough office talk." He piped up suddenly. "I've drunk too much...again."

Kristen looked down, and Seren thought Was this your intention? And then she put the thought away. Didn't want to think things like that.

"Where are we sleeping tonight?" He asked, his words slightly slurred.

Kristen pointed out the door. "Same as last time."

Last time? That was a revelation to her. He'd stayed here before.

"Seren, you coming?" He asked, sliding off his stool and holding his hand out to her.

She looked at Kristen who was downing her next glass. "Yeah, I'm pretty tired. Thankyou for letting us stay here."

Kristen raised her glass. "Anytime."

She followed Rob up the stairs to a guest room which was set out ready for them. There were clean towels on the bed and a door which lead to a small en suite bathroom. There was a kingsize bed beneath a panoramic window, and opposite that was a flat screen tv on the wall. Everything was crisp white and Seren decided she liked it, despite not wanting to.

"I'm sorry." He said, as he pulled his shirt over his head. "I didn't mean to drink that much."

She could only smile. He was utterly sweet when he was like this. "No danger." She said, slipping into her own sweat pants and tshirt. He smiled at her use of his phrase and pulled the bedsheets back. She went into the bathroom and marvelled at how shiny everything was. She could still taste the Jacks in her mouth, and pulled her toothbrush out. And then cursed, because she'd forgotten to pack toothpaste.

"Damn it, Rob...I forgot the..."

But his low snores replied. He had fallen asleep with one leg on top of the covers and wouldn't be roused. She knew she'd have to go back downstairs. And for a moment she considered getting straight in bed, but the taste was too much. She was starting to feel sick.

Tip toeing down the marble stairs, it was easy to go unheard. She half considered peeking into one of the other bathrooms to see if there was any toothpaste in there but she knew she would need some in the morning too, and didn't want to be discovered as a toothpaste thief. She went back into the kitchen where Kristen was loading up the dishwasher. She didn't hear her come in.

"Ummm...Hi, sorry..." Seren stammered. "I, umm forgot to get some toothpaste...."

Kristen slammed the dishwasher shut.

"There's some in the bathroom at the top of the stairs." She said, pointing the way Seren had come.

"Thanks." She replied, before turning to hot foot away from the awkward situation.

Or maybe that's just the way she was perceiving it. Maybe Kristen didn't feel awkward at all.

"Is he passed out yet?" She then inquired.

Seren closed her eyes and at first thought about nodding before making a swift exit. But this was Kristen's house. And she was not rude.

"Yeah, out like a light."

Kristen nodded and laughed. But Seren only felt unease. "It's strange that you should know these things." She said honestly, knowing it was now or never. "I feel like you know everything about him."

Kristen's face suddenly changed. And for the first time Seren wasn't sure if she seemed hostile, or apologetic.

But then she sighed. "I don't know everything about him, I don't think anyone can know everything about a person unless they can climb inside their mind and walk around." And then she shrugged. "I know enough about him to know whisky is his weakness. But then again...there's things about him which you know which I don't."

And the undertone in her voice was mischievous. Seren almost blushed.

"I make you nervous, Don't I?" And it wasn't a question, more of a statement.

One Seren had no real answer for.

"Not you. Just that I know he cares about you."

Kristen looked at her in the eye then. "You really love him, don't you?"

Seren held her gaze. "I don't even know how it happened..."

"He's just as surprised as you are, believe me."

And even though she knew Rob had spoken to her about their relationship, it was strange to have it confirmed like that.

"Is that so?" She asked.

Kristen smiled. "Sit down. I'll get you a drink. What'll you have?"

"Coffee." She sighed. Anything but Jack Daniels.

Chapter Twenty Six - Pretty Woman

"I told you, I'm not getting on that plane."

His bottom lip curled playfully.

"Don't do that."

He took her hands and swung them slowly, pulling her towards him.

"I can't..."

But her protests went unheard and before she knew it he had her right where he wanted her. In the VIP lounge at JFK airport. She looked out onto the runway, it's black shiny expanse seeming to go on forever. He reassured her, and bought her a cocktail from the bar. But she was a shaking mess as their flight was called and they made their way from the terminal. She thought her knuckles would bleed from clutching the handrail on the way up. They were seated in first class, naturally. And Rob seemed so at ease she wondered why she was behaving so unreasonably. She didn't make a scene, but it was obvious she was afraid as all the colour drained from her face. And even though Rob's hand was planted firmly in hers, she still couldn't relax. Even as she marvelled at the decadence of the first class seats.

"It's nothing to worry about, honestly. I've done this so many times it's like taking a cab. Technically you've got more chance of dying in a cab than a plane..."

She looked at him dead-pan. "Is this meant to be making me feel better?"

"I don't know why you're so nervous, it's nothing. Once you're up in the air you don't even feel it."

I'm nervous because I don't like planes and I'm nervous because I'm not crazy about meeting Kristen either... But she couldn't say it.

Sitting back into his seat, Rob looked out across the runway and beyond. He still wondered if he was doing the right thing. But deep down, it was irrelevant. He wanted to be away. Somewhere different. He felt his script heavy in his bag, and felt an awful sinking feeling. It would be over soon, and he'd be off to Canada. Every moment he wished to ask her if she would come with him but there never seemed to be a right time. She'd found a job she loved. She was finally settling, it was what she had gone to New York to do. And then another fear pricked at him. That they were moving in opposite directions. And even if he loved her, it wouldn't be enough. Turning away from the window, and his down cast thoughts he looked at her. She was tapping her leg up and down, biting her bottom lip. Vulnerable. And he thought, she had never looked more beautiful. And suddenly none of those things mattered anymore. And he would have taken her anywhere she wanted to go, even back to the apartment if she wished it. But it was too late. The plane started to move slowly and she gripped his hand tightly. Closing her eyes she didn't say a word, and neither did he. Not even when she let out a little gasp as the wheels came off the ground. She peered over him as they ascended. And her eyes never moved as they broke through the clouds.

"Wasn't that bad was it?" He asked as they levelled out and the seat belt signs went off.

She seemed entranced. "I guess not."

Curling her arms around his, she leaned against his shoulder and watched the view of the ground below beneath the cracks in the clouds.

"I had no idea it would be like this. That it could be so high."

Settling into a calm sereneness she didn't expect, Seren's eyes closed and when she opened them they were flying over California.

The heat was the first thing she noticed as she stepped out into the daylight. Ripples of heat moved from the tarmac and she breathed it in. Home...she thought. And for the first time she was happy that she'd come. Rob noticed her smile and reconciled with himself that he had done right after all. They moved into the terminal at LAX and breezed through baggage claim. For a three day trip it was easy enough to fit everything into carry on bags. Outside the terminal there was a car waiting, and Seren wondered how he'd had the time to arrange everything so quickly.

" We'll go to the hotel first and freshen up, if you'd like? Or we could go straight out." Rob suggested.

"Where is straight out?"

He smirked. "Well, I thought we could go to the beach. Or shopping, or for something to eat."

"The paps follow you around here too?" She inquired.

His face fell. "Yeah."

"Then we'll do whatever you want to do."

And he pushed her into the car hungrily and waited for her to get the hint.

It was like fresh air, the hotel. And somehow familiar. Rob smiled profusely as she took it all in. She was surprised. This was the sort of opulence he usually avoided. And then a woman dressed in red came into the lobby and she knew....she gasped and pressed her face into Rob's chest as she realised where he had brought her.

"Oh Rob..." She breathed, wondering if she looked again if it would be real.

He held her tightly and urged her to look. "Don't get too excited, it's just for one night. We'll be spending the other at Kristen's place."

But she didn't care. "Is it really?" She asked, wondering if she'd got it wrong and was just a hotel which was similar in decour.

"The Regent Beverly Wilshire? Yes. The pretty woman hotel."

She was still in a daze as they checked in and made their way up to their room, which appeared more like an apartment. They had the entire floor to themself, and the room boasted a four poster bed with views of Rodeo Drive and the most beautifully decked out veranda she had ever seen. There was a bottle of champagne waiting for them, but she found she wasn't thirsty.

"This is too much..." She said, her voice faltering under overwhelmed tears. "Never...never have I known anything like this."

He came to the veranda and opened the bottle of champagne and poured it into a tall glass. "You deserve it all."

But she shook her head as she sipped, and the bubbles went straight to her head.

"No, you're wrong. I've done nothing of consequence. I work no harder than other people."

But Rob dismissed this. "It's all lucky anyway. Like you said, I don't work harder than anyone else. I try not to flaunt the luck I've had but I'd be ungrateful if I didn't push the boat out every now and then. And if I can't do it for you, then I'd probably never get chance at all."

"I don't know what I did to deserve you let alone any of this."

They were standing side by side, looking down on the city below. His arm came around her shoulder and she slipper her own around his waist.

"Thankyou." She whispered. "For everything..."

He wore that serious face that drove her crazy. That face that was more handsome than she could withstand. He side smiled and it was more than she could take. She felt the stirrings between her legs and suddenly knew she had to have him. That was all it took, just one look. He didn't protest. As she leaned up to meet his lips, he took the glass of champagne from her hands and put it down.

He picked her up and carried her inside, she wrapped her legs around him and fumbled with the buckle on his belt. He threw her down and she let out a unrepenting giggle. Tearing at their clothes, Rob pulled his belt off and soon was naked. She savoured the view, slipping her panties down slowly and watched him come to life. He waited until she was finished before sliding on top of her. His mouth covered hers and she lost her inhibitions. His kisses were becoming all the more like drugs. Making her dizzy and intoxicated. Or maybe it was the champagne?

His fingers were long and fine, and always felt like heaven as they moved to part her legs. He pushed two inside her and she felt them fill her. He had a way of moving them, a way she'd never felt before. His technique was always guaranteed to make her legs shake on the brink of orgasm within seconds. But he always stopped before, pulling them out and circling her clitoris before moving onto other things. But he had taken it too far, and she was frenzied. She grabbed his hardness and guided it inside her. But she wanted to give him something, and instead of letting him do as he would she pushed him over on to his back and began to ride him slowly. His hands came up to her breasts and she lifted her head back. She moved faster and he grasped her hips tighter. This was not the tender love making they had done in the past. This was animalistic and purely for the quick gratification they could give each other. Leaning back with her hands on his legs, she shifted backwards and forwards faster until she could feel the intense sensations of orgasm building up. She knew Rob was close. They way he closed his eyes and his mouth parted....and then it happened. Together. And breathlessly they clung to each other, still dizzy from the heavy breathing. It was in Rob's mind to say something, but he couldn't spoil the sheer happiness on her face. He would leave it, until she said the word. Even though he wanted to.

"I love you." She said finally, kissing his face softly and wrapping her legs over him.

He turned to her and blew a stray strand of hair from his forehead. "Love you." He replied. "But....I am starving."

He jumped up from the bed and she watched him from behind, perching herself up onto her elbow. She could have had him all over again, the sight of him naked at the phone.

"Carpet picnic?" She asked.

"Would be rude not to, seeing as we're here."

God, I love that movie...She thought to herself.

Chapter Twenty Five - Vertigo

The exhaustion from facing your demons was all consuming. Relief brought sleep, and with it a sense of calm after the storm. India hadn't smoked in years, but she sat on the fire escape now, her shaking hand lifting a cigarette to her mouth. She heard Rob speaking on his phone, but paid no attention to him. He paced the kitchen quietly speaking in dull tones, almost whispering. When he was finished he checked on Seren once, and covered her sleeping body with a blanket.

"I think, without that, she would have gone mad." India said in a melancholy voice which she rarely used.

Rob sighed and lit another cigarette, going out into the cool night on the fire escape.

"Anyone would think she was the murderer."

India smiled like a cat. "Have you not worked it out yet? She's like a martyr. She doesn't do it deliberately. But she will gladly suffer so that other's don't have to."

And then India laughed to herself. A month ago she used to read about this man beside her, and think of how handsome he was when she watched his films. And now he was just Rob. And she could speak to him as freely as any friend.

"What you laughing at?" He asked, managing to raise a smile of his own.

"Nothing." She said, trying to brush it off. "Just that my life has descended into madness."

"I can't argue with that." He agreed.

She looked at him then, at the lines around his eyes when he smiled. The small moles on his cheek and the long fingers which held the cigarette to his puckered lips. There was nothing special about him. In fact, he was less handsome than most regularly good looking men. But there was something about him. When he spoke, when he moved. She wasn't particularly captivated by him the way she had been before knowing him in the flesh, but she understood why others were. And why Seren was.

"She's been keeping all that inside for seven years. I can't begin to get that." Rob said, flicking his cigarette over the side.

"At first we thought it was delayed shock, but then the years went by and we tried...god knows we tried...to get her to talk about it but it was like she'd completely moved on and after she gave her statement to the cops, she never spoke of it again. Except court, but still it was only because she had to."

"Where is he? Seren's Dad?"

India picked up another cigarette, not caring that she had just finished her last one. She lit it like a novice, her hands still trembling.

She laughed slightly. An ironic laugh. "There's only one place you go for murder in the state of Texas." And she winked.

"This happened in Texas?"

"Yeah. I hadn't seen them in months, we were living in Alaska for a while. My brother Todd, he got a job up there and after seeing him settle I wanted to do the same but my parents wouldn't let me until I was 18. So we went to Texas to meet up with My Aunt Greta, I was hoping to stay in Alaska but Seren asked me to be there. They were only passing through. But we were going to stay there a few months. Needless to say we were back in Alaska within days."

Rob's face was pale in the New York light, his eyes staring at the ground listening intently. She knew she had his full attention. "Uncle Silas was a sick man. And I only say that because once I loved him and so did Seren. I don't think anyone could have loved their Dad more."

"What....What did he do?" And his face was apprehensive, even as he wanted to know.

India sighed and looked down. "He waited until Seren had finished singing. It was pretty late so everyone started going back to their tents and vans. David asked me to go back to his with him but I was too tired. Told him I would see him in the morning. It was the last time I saw him alive. She never told me what she saw, I only heard her in court. And even then she didn't give the details. Just that she had gone to the van with Ezra. Her brother, he's almost blind, he can't get around with help. Aunt Greta was already asleep and Uncle Silas wasn't there. She went to find him. He wasn't anywhere around so she walked to the edge of camp into the farmers fields. She said she had her portable cd player on. Sour Times by Portishead was playing. I remember that, because I hated Portishead. But she loved them. She said she wasn't worried, just curious. She wasn't ready to go to bed and thought if she found her Dad, she could stay up and join him in whatever he was doing. Funny, really. When you consider he'd got talking to David. And took him to the farmer's fields to kill him. She said there was a weird smell, like something you wouldn't find out in the fields. She switched off her music and that's when she heard the wretch sound. No screams, no cries of agony or anything just a sound like the wind had been taken out of his lungs. She saw the shadows by the edge of the tree's and went over. She said she didn't know it was her Dad at first, just that she thought someone was doing something sneaky. Then she saw him, standing over something. He had something in his arms. She said it was like he was rocking something backwards and forwards. It wasn't until she reached them she realised it was the stabbing motion. He saw her and dropped David. She said his body went straight down and Uncle Silas dropped the knife. She ran back to camp and came straight to me. Told me to call 911 but wouldn't say why. And then....well, you can imagine how the rest went."

Rob didn't speak. She could see the shock on his face but didn't pay any attention to it. He would have to process it and deal with it, as anyone who got close to Seren would.

"I blamed myself, and Seren blamed herself. Naturally."

"What? Why would you blame yourself? And would she for that matter?" He asked then, shaking himself from his reverie.

"Because if I had gone back to David's tent like he asked he wouldn't have been talking to Uncle Silas. And of course Seren blames herself for some innane reason that her singing was the cause. I suppose it was, inadvertently. But nobody goes around committing murder because of music. Well, I suppose some people do. But I think they would regardless anyway. They're not human, are they? Not really. People who can murder like that."

Rob shrugged. "I don't know. He was obviously unhinged somehow. Nobody does that because someone looked at their daughter in a certain way."

India nodded and went inside. Effectively ending the conversation. And Rob knew he probably wouldn't hear more about it.

When the light began to shift through the curtains, Seren stirred. She was laid on Rob's chest. She recognised his smell, the way his chest rose and fell. She couldn't quite believe what had happened, and for a second she forgot. Until it came flooding back and she pinched her nose against the memory of the smell of that blood... He was asleep and she watched him for a moment. He had shaved a little, but only enough to take off the excess. There was still the usual stubble there. His head was tilted back, so his mouth had parted slightly. She kissed him lightly and apprehensively waited for him to stir. When his eyes flickered open she thought she would never get used to the way it felt when they were on her. She was becoming accustomed to his ways now, and she knew he would smile, then yawn, then outstretch his long arms before taking her into them. And then he would sigh, contentedly. But today he didn't. She sensed his apprehension too.

"What time are you working today?" He asked.

"I'm not." She yawned back.

"Call your boss and get the weekend off. We're going away."

She laughed at his presumptuousness. "I'm sure that wont disrupt filming at all."

But he shrugged. "It would only be for three days. And I've got the weekend off anyway."

"Where are we going?"

He smiled wickedly and then he let out that contented sigh. "Just away. I think we need it."

She was too tired to protest. And slightly excited. She had adapted to city life, but she wasn't fully initiated yet and still sometimes found herself looking out across the park and the open spaces wishing they were broader.

"Pack a bag, I'll be back in tonight." Rob said, his lithe body moving across hers.

"Where are you going?" She enquired.

He began to button up his shirt and only shot her a knowing look. "I'll be back." He said.

He dashed to the film set and threw himself into work. Emotionally charged already, he managed to do each scene in one take. Emilie asked about Seren, and he couldn't contain his secret. She looked at him like he was crazy of course. They finished early, as he had predicted. And as he stuffed his script into his bag and made his way out the building....he couldn't escape the crowd waiting for him.

"Robert! Robert! Can you take a picture?! ROBERT!" They yelled.

He looked at Dean and Dean rolled his eyes. "They've been here three hours." He said.

Their faces were expectant and longing. But rampant and terrifying. He waved to them and smiled as they approached him.

"The car's down there." Dean said, leading him in the opposite direction.

The crowd followed, and Rob's heart began to race the way it always did in these situations. Dean's hand came across him, and as he looked up a woman stood before him. She was speaking to him but he couldn't make out what she was saying. He smiled at her but she moved closer. Dean stood between them but she insisted. It was times like these he had to keep himself in check. What piece of him did they require? He was just trying to get to his car. He could see the paparazzi in the corner of his eye and knew this would be global within minutes. He sighed and accepted it straight away before Dean moved the woman aside completely. Once inside the car he allowed himself to breathe.

"We need to get some stuff from the hotel and then pick Seren up."

Dean nodded, and checked he was ok. He was flustered, but ok.

"Then what?" Asked Dean.

"Airport." Rob said, finally smiling.

"L.A? Are you insane? It's all on the other side of the country!" Seren said, almost shrieked as she stood in the doorway holding her bags.

"It's ok, we're taking a plane it will only be about 5 hours."

India's hysterical laughter sounded from the kitchen.

"What's so funny?" Rob asked, passport in hand.

"You can't expect me to take the plane." Seren said, as if the whole idea was ludicrous.

But he looked at her confused. "What's the problem?"

India appeared from the kitchen. "She's never been on a plane before."

"Oh...."Rob said. "Well that's ok. So this will be your first time. No big deal, its like a huge bus in the sky."

He had thought that would make her smile but she didn't budge. "Oh come on!" He said.

"I don't like heights." She said indignantly.

"So we'll put the shutter down on the window. You wont be able to tell how high up you are."

She looked at him sidelong. "You're gonna have an answer for everything aren't you?"

He couldn't help but smile. "It'll be fine. We'll have a drink, do some shopping or whatever you want to do then we'll just slip onto the plane and sleep the whole way there. Then we'll have three wonderful says in the sunshine. And Kristen can't wait to meet you."

Her heart sank. She almost wanted to slam the door and not leave the apartment. Suddenly it wasn't the flight that terrified her.

"Kristen?" She asked.

But he didn't understand her tone. "Yeah. I called her and asked if we could visit. Is that a problem?"

She somehow made her voice sound steady. "No....no problem."

And if anyone knew she was lying in that moment, she prayed it wasn't Rob.

Chapter Twenty Four - Seren's Secret

It wasn't enough that he loved her. And it wasn't enough that he seemed to care. Some things were just too horrific to tell. But it was enough that she loved him. And enough that she cared. She put how he felt to one side, and concentrated on the words she knew she would have to say. His face was looking at her expectantly. Beautiful and serious, with the slight flex of his jaw she thought she'd never be able to finish a sentence for being distracted by his face.

"It was like any other night." She began. Knowing things would never be the same once she had finished.

"Mom was sat with some of the other women, my brothers were around talking to people, smoking and eating. I was with Kendra and Dad, and we were unpacking things out of the car. India was there, talking to this boy called David. She was already sixteen, I was still fifteen. And she was...always....more forward with boys. And David had obviously been with her before. She really liked him. And I was glad she'd met someone she liked. Anyway, once we finished unpacking I asked Dad if I could go and hang out with them for a while. He was really strict, always strict when it came to boys. He always said it was because I was his only child, and I just accepted it at the time. Mom thought it was sweet. He could never do any wrong in her eyes. Nor in mine either. I loved my Dad. He was the best Dad I could have ever wished for. Always encouraging me to sing, helping me perfect my talent, bragging about how amazing I was to anyone who would listen. And then David pushed India aside, in that one day I knew he liked me more than he liked her. I never encouraged him, never was anything except friendly. I hadn't even kissed a boy before, I wasn't about to do anything with one who my cousin was into. But none of that seemed to matter that night, when we came back to the tents where my parents were. We were all laughing. India hadn't seemed to notice the way he looked at me. So I did nothing about it, mentioned nothing to anyone. Dad told me some of his friends wanted to hear me so after dinner I started to play. There was a small gathering around us, and I was, as ever, in my element. And so was Dad. But there was someone else looking at me in the same way. And until that night I'd never seen it before. David was looking at me the same way my Dad did when I sang. I thought I imagining it. I thought I was just a stupid little girl who knew nothing. So I carried on playing. And then Dad noticed David. He stopped looking at me only looked at David. He wasn't a bad person....He was just a boy....He never so much as touched me...."

Falling to the ground, Seren crumpled into sobs she could not speak through. Rob caught her and pulled her back to the bed. India charged through the door, tears stained her face and black streaked down her cheeks.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" She demanded. "It was seven years ago!"

Seren was shaking. "No....He has a right to know..."

But Rob was struck suddenly with a desire not to know, if it was this traumatic to re-tell.

"Don't make yourself hysterical!" He said, pulling tear stained strands of hair aways from Seren's face.

But she pushed them both away and breathed deeply.

"Dad's in prison." She said, still trying to breathe deeper. "Serving a life sentence for the murder of David Mendez. My Dad is a murderer. And I saw the whole thing. And there was nothing I could do to stop it."

India's shoulders slumped. "Tell him why." She croaked.

And Seren shook her head, against the horror.

India took over the story. "Uncle Silas wasn't just protective. He was obsessive. With her, with anyone who looked like her. Hell, even anyone who didn't look like her, if he was in the mood. I never said anything before, because she worshipped him. But there was always something about him, and I knew it for sure on my fifteenth birthday when he tried it on with me." And she seemed to taste the disgust in her own words and felt like spitting.

Rob looked at Seren. "And you? Did he..."

But for that, she was indignant. "No...never. He never was anything but a good Dad."

"It tortured him though. He wanted to, I knew that much." Added India, with a hint of bitterness.

"Is that why he killed that boy, because he was jealous?" Rob asked, unable to hide his distress.

Seren pulled away from them both and stood in the middle of the room, feeling her pulse in her veins and the room sway as she tried to remain calm.

"Yes. I think so. He never spoke to me after that. After I saw him do it. Everything changed. And I swore from that day on I would never sing for anyone again. And I never have until Stephanie asked me. I thought if I could do something else...something I could be passionate about I would forget the singing thing and now I realise I can't."

There was a deafening silence then. India, exhausted, excused herself and went to her own room. Bewildered, Rob stared at the ground and listened as Seren clenched her teeth.

"So there you have it." She shrugged, and went to open the bedroom door.

"What are you doing?" Rob asked, confused.

"You can leave now."

But he looked at her, even more horrified than he'd been before.

"You really think that little of me?"

"I think you have no idea what you're doing. I'm like....an accessory or something! I could have stopped him but I didn't! I stood there and didn't move!"

But he only smiled and shook his head. "Well, to say that I'm the actor I think you could give me a run for my money. You've told me now there's no need for any of this. I know it was hard for you to do, but you didn't need to quit your singing or think that what your Dad did is some sort of stigma to you. You're not to blame for the sort of man he is. And you don't have to do that...I'm not going anywhere. I'm not disgusted by you, or think wrong of you. We all have shit in our past. My parents didn't kill anyone, but we've had our fair share of crap over the years. My sisters haven't always been the brilliant girls they are now. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Ashamed?" Seren said, trembling. "I'm sorry for...being dramatic. But it's not because I'm ashamed. Ok, maybe I'm a little ashamed. As anyone would be. But it's not that. It's the memory of it. I don't sing because the memories come back. My Dad hanging over him, that horrible glint of the knife in his hand. If I had rushed forward I think even then it might have been too late."

He pulled her into his arms and and soothed her in that way he had. "Don't worry about it. You don't have to sing. You don't have to be an Actress. You don't have to do anything that makes you unhappy."

But she pulled away and dried her eyes. "No, I want to. I want to do something."

"I feel like I never want to let you out of my sight." Rob said, "I love you so much, you have no idea..."

"I love you too." She murmured.

"So no more dramatic outbursts please, I don't think I can take it."

She laughed, and in hindsight thought of how she must have looked. "That's the first time I've told anyone since it happened. It was bound to be a momentous occasion."

"Go and make sure India is ok." He suggested, and motioned her towards the door.

She nodded and went, and Rob closed the door behind her. Pulling out his cell phone, he kept his voice down.

"Hello?" Said the voice at the other end.

"Kristen....."

Chapter Twenty Three - Three Weeks Later

Somehow it transpired that Seren finally came face to face with the one person who could make or break her. She had tried to avoid it, she was honest with herself. But Rob had made the arrangements, and spoke about it incessantly until she gave in about it. One thing she had refused to give up on was supporting herself, and regardless of her future being an Actress she knew her beginnings must be more humble. Plucking the courage up to scower the city for any job she could find, she had stumbled upon the perfect job. And as she finished her shift that day at "The Prowling Cat" she made her way back across the city to meet in the lobby at Rob's hotel with his agent, Stephanie. Rob was absent, as promised, and as they sat in the corner of the hotel bar, facing each other and ordering soda water and coffee, Seren suddenly became afraid of what would transpire. She had nothing to offer. And Stephanie looked like the sort of woman who didn't take people on face value. But she smiled sweetly, and Seren calmed a little.

"So, it's nice to finally meet you." Stephanie said, sipping her soda water and peeling off her obviously expensive jacket.

Seren shuffled uncomfortably but managed to smile. "You too."

"I can see you're nervous but don't worry, whatever Rob told you this is entirely informal."

Which surprised Seren, as she envisioned it being somehow all important. But she was glad it was off the record. She could relax.

"So, tell me what you know and I'll tell you what you don't know." Stephanie said, putting her phone face up on the table between them.

"I'll just be honest with you. I came here on a complete whim that I'd be able to do this. I never saw a movie until a year ago. I have no idea what to do. I have no idea how this whole industry works. But I have passion, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

Stephanie smiled, but it was a little patronising. Like she'd heard all this before. Seren knew how contrite she sounded. She was just another little girl with a big dream.

"You're not sure what you really want." Stephanie said matter of factly. "But there's room to grow. I can't do much with you if there's no background, no experience. Even the greatest actors in the history of cinema had to start somewhere. Even Rob started with a drama group back in London."

She was starting to think this had been a bad idea.

"I had to find a job so I could afford to live here, otherwise I would have jumped into it feet first. But I..."

She would have continued but Stephanie was already waving her hand to stop.

"Honey, I know. Believe me, I know. I came to New York with ten dollars in my back pocket fifteen years ago. You do what you have to. I want to help you, I want to give you the chance thousands of guys like you never had. So I'm gonna need to see what you can do."

She went into her bag and pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to Seren.

"It's just a basic monologue. I'd like you to read it to me, sort of like a mini audition."

Seren scanned the page. It was the usual broken hearted shpeel, pretty monosyllabic. She read the first line in a low and tempered voice speaking of how she had lost her love. She allowed her voice to falter a little, as if on the verge of tears, her face contorted in quiet pain. And then she dropped the paper and sighed.

"I can't do this." She cried, still in her emotional pose. "I thought I could just come here and do this, but I can't."

Stephanie looked at her wide eyed.

"No...no, there's something in your voice....sing for me." She requested.

Seren looked at her peculiarly. "Sing?"

Stephanie was getting excited. "Humour me. Trust me? Sing....anything. We're alone here. No need to hold back."

She remembered herself on the commune humming along to the guitars her brothers played. They had sung together, and always gathered crowds to their caravans. She remembered fondly the shows they had put on as kids to the others in the commune. She had loved to sing. But she hadn't sung since.....and she blocked it out. Opened her eyes and began to sing a version of the song "Have a little faith in me" she had once heard. Everything drifted away and she was fully aware of her voice. Low pitched and smooth, but powerful. When she was done she looked at Stephanie. The harsh businesswoman had melted away, and in the corner of her eye she saw that she had begun to cry.

"My god....girl." Stephanie swallowed. "You're a singer."

Seren shrugged. "I want to be an Actress."

"Ah, but you can't deny what you already are. But you've known that all along, haven't you?"

And Seren crumbled. This stranger had brought her to the place she didn't want to be. To remember what she had fought so hard to forget.

"Why wont you sing?" She asked.

Seren took a deep sip of her coffee. "I don't want to sing. I want to Act."

But Stephanie shook her head. "You say you never saw a movie until a year ago. Something tells me you watched these movies and thought you could do that instead. But your passion says otherwise. I've known people arrive in this city penniless and the first day they arrive they come straight to the agents, the theatres. They camp outside the acting classes. But not you...Rob tells me you found a job in an open mic bar?"

She nodded, and closed her eyes against burgeoning tears. "That's true."

"Seren, you know what you are. And something tells me it's not an Actress. Why haven't you persued this?"

As politely as she could, Seren shook the tears away and said, "You're right. I put my singing away. But I can't talk about it. Please?"

Stephanie nodded and handed her a business card. "This is a friend of mine. If you ever find your voice again, give him a call. Tell him I gave you his card, he will see you immediately. And Seren....honey, you're not an Actress."

"You're distracted." Rob said at dinner.

"Sorry....what did you say?" Seren asked, picking up her fork and resuming her meal.

India and Rob shared their dismay.

"You said it went well with Stephanie today, why the long face?" India asked.

They were sitting at the table in the apartment, eating noodles and chicken. The tv was playing in the background, and she decided to use it as her decoy.

"Sorry....I was watching Tv. What were you saying?"

India rolled her eyes. "I was just saying my boss wants me to go with him to Seattle for a meeting this weekend. So you'll have the place to yourselves."

Seren smiled. "That'll be nice."

Rob put pushed his plate away. "Ok, this is just not you at all. What happened?"

"Nothing. Honestly, it went really well. Stephanie's great."

India picked up the plates and went into the kitchen, unconvinced. Rob sank back into his chair, those intense eyes scrutinising and wondering. She liked him best when he didn't ask, but the past couple of weeks she had come to realise he was a talker. And she would have to tell him, one way or the other. And not just because she knew he would be stubborn, and not let it drop. But because she loved him, and wanted him to know. And the more she learned about him, the more she loved him. And so there was no way of keeping it from him for much longer.

She moved from the table towards her room and he followed instinctually. He closed the door and held his arms out expectantly.

"Well?"

She put a cd into the player and turned the volume down. Van Morrison, one of Rob's cd's.

"So I never told you I could sing." She said, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

Rob shrugged, perpetually confused. "I don't understand?"

She took in a deep breath, and gave herself over to the inevitable conversation.

"Stephanie was brilliant today. She really understood me. She's really good at her job, too good."

Rob was still staring at her with that same disgruntled face.

"Do you promise to listen to me, and not say a word until I finish?" She asked.

His face softened and he went to her on the bed, pulling her into his arms. "Ok. Sure....I promise."

There was a pause, she pulled away from him and went over to open the window.

"Ok, so....You might not want to know me after you hear this." She sighed, and went to sit on the window ledge, her feet perched on the fire escape.

He came over to her, concerned and frustrated. "Do you really think so little of me?"

"Not you. Of me, perhaps."

His lips graced her forehead. "Have these past few weeks not shown you anything about my character?"

And she smiled because she had seen that compassionate side of him towards Emilie, as she faced the harrowing decision to divorce her husband. Rob had been patient with her on-set and supportive of her off-set. She had witnessed his tremendous kindness and ability to make others laugh.

"I've been singing since I was a kid. There was always someone with a guitar or whatever on the communes. But my Dad always encouraged me more than anyone. Because I was the little one, Because I was his...whatever I don't know. My brothers and my sister would always go and visit their Dad and I would be left behind with him and my Mom. It didn't bother me or anything, it just always brought it home that I was the odd one out. That they all had something in common that I didn't share. But afterwards....Kendra always said it was me they felt jealous of. Because they had to go visit their Dad and I had mine around and he was still with our Mom. They remembered when their Dad had been with Mom, obviously that was a life which had nothing to do with me. But I have memories of us all going to see their Dad at his Vineyard. I told you, and my Dad was there too. Everyone always seemed to be on the best of terms. I had no idea...I thought he was the greatest person in the world. Everybody liked him, my Mom adored him. Always he would have me sing, at family parties or commune gatherings or whatever occasion, even when there was no occasion. He raved about my voice to anyone who would listen..."

She stopped, dropped her voice as the tears descended. Rob came and held her close and she buried her face into his chest.

"That doesn't sound so bad to me. My Dad was the one who got me to go to Drama classes. There's nothing wrong with it." He told her.

But she shook her head. "No, no it's not for a Dad who is just a regular Dad. Mine....there's something you need to know..."

He didn't say a word. He looked at her but didn't speak. And she ached to tell him. But some things were just too hard to say.

"God, I need a drink..." She said then, faltering.

"If I get you one, will you stop making excuses?" He said wryly.

She nodded compliantly and allowed him to fetch the bottle of wine from the dinner table. India was standing outside the door and came in as Rob came out.

"Are you sure about this?" She whispered.

"What would you have me do? I can't keep it from him, his agent would tell him everything. And then I'd have to tell him anyway! I wish I'd never gone today! I never expected this to happen!"

India looked away and moved as Rob came back with two glasses of wine.

"I'm gonna head in the shower." She said, closing the door behind her.

Seren downed the wine and sighed.

"It's something to do with your Dad isn't it? Why you don't sing anymore?"

She was surprised by his intuition. But glad of it. She met his eyes and swallowed hard.

"We were at a new Commune. One we had never been to before. Dad had bumped into an old friend and he asked me to sing. I'd learned the play the guitar for myself, I was just playing to a small group and then more gathered. Which is what usually happened. I had about 30 people around me, Dad by my side always watching them watching me. I'd met this boy the day before. He was eighteen, too old for me. But we'd had fun together, there was nothing in it. We were never alone, not really. And for just one day, talking and messing around there was no way anything could have happened. And that night I saw what kind of man my Dad really was. And what me singing had brought about."

The tears came. Like a crack in a dam bursting. She tried to pull them in, but she lost control and let him hold her. The warm darkness enveloped her, his arms holding her tight and her eyes clamped shut against what she didn't want to see. But it was always worse when she closed her eyes. For six years she'd kept it hidden inside where nobody could talk to her about it. Those closest to her had learnt to ask. Those who got close enough would soon know not to. But not now. It had surprised her how she had opened up so quickly to a complete stranger, how she had agreed to sing for Stephanie when she hadn't sung for years for those closest to her. She put it down to nerves. But they had been nothing compared to this.

Rob began to breathe heavier. Like he was starting to almost panic. She pulled away from him and realised she had cried all over his shirt. He didn't notice.

"Seren, please. Whatever it is. Just tell me."

"It's been a month since we met. Only a month. Hardly enough time to know what we can and can't handle from eachother..."

But Rob gasped. "What?! Are you kidding me? In a month you've had to deal with your face splashed across magazine pages, paparazzi in your face....You've taken my baggage and now, frankly, I'm offended you wont let me take yours on! A month? It took me a whole year to tell Nina I loved her. I don't think there's ever been any time constraints to what we have."

And as she wiped away her tears, she knew he was right.

"Ok, you're right. Come here....I'll tell you everything."

Chapter Twenty Two - Show your face

It was much better with the lights on. She watched his eyes widen as she slid up the bed towards him. He had already taken his shirt off and was moving towards his belt buckle. She wanted to reach for the lamp and plummet them into darkness but she couldn't tear herself away from the way he looked at her. She moved his hands away and slipped his belt undone herself. She could already see the outline of his excitement as he pulled his jeans down.

Seren was wearing an oversize tshirt over a pair of skinny jeans. She let him pull it over her head and move the rogue strands of hair away from her face. Her breasts were spilling over her bra as he grasped them. His hand moved slowly downward into her underwear. Slipping his fingers between her legs she moaned in pleasure and pulled her jeans off entirely so he could move faster. If it could have always been that way, she would have died complete. Even he knew there was nothing more heavenly that to be with her this way and have nothing taint it. But life never presented these perfect moments for eternity. They had to be savoured. And even as they lay there, spent and satisfied, it seemed as if something lingered on the periphery, there to challenge their time together.

The hotel seemed quieter. Perhaps it had just been that her mind hadn't been on anyone but him as she had arrived and gone up to his room. Even as they lay there sharing a cigarette no sound penetrated the room. Resting against the pillows, Rob's bare chest still a distraction, Seren sighed and pondered the perfection which was this moment. They spoke about Remember Me, and the tiresome day Rob had had filming it and he asked her when she would go and see Stephenie. She told him that she would, and then somehow the conversation drifted onto something else. Which was usually the case, as they descended into laughter and Rob reverted to his quirky sarcastic tone which she adored. He played with her hair as they spoke about the future, and there it was. That thing which had been waiting to spoil things.

"I'm not saying I'll stay in New York forever. Just until I've done something notable." Seren said, " Make my time here worthwhile."

"You know I wont be here much longer."

She looked at him, and she knew it was true but still there was a pang at her chest at the thought of it.

"Where will you go next?"

He took a deep breath and sighed. "Vancouver. I have to start filming the next Twilight movie."

She felt a bitter taste in her mouth because she knew he'd be filming with Kristen. And for reasons unknown to her, she felt jealous.

"Vancouver huh...." She lamented.

He sensed her unease. "You can come visit me. If you want to."

And there was nothing she wanted more. But it bugged her, all these plans they were having to make. She knew the burning question was on her lips and if she didn't ask it now...when would she?

"So if people ask me if you're my boyfriend, what am I allowed to say?"

Rob's smile pierced the dark cloud hanging above them and he was playful Rob again.

"What would you like to say?" He teased.

She knudged him and smiled bashfully. "You know what I mean!"

He thought about it for a moment. "Well, I know it's not been long but I'd like to think I'm your boyfriend. I don't like the idea of us just dating. I don't want to leave any room for anyone else to get in there."

The thought horrified her. "You know that would never happen. Not now..."

He looked at her and hesitated. But then he brushed her hair away from her face again and leaned in for a solitary kiss on her flushed cheek.

"I love you Seren." He whispered.

She returned his kiss and looked down, his hand coming under chin so he could look her in the eyes.

"I love you." She replied bashfully.

The unexpected noise of a phone ringing broke the spell. Seren jumped and Rob cursed something under his breath. It was his ringtone, and as he reluctantly reached over to his phone his heart sank.

"That's weird..." He said. "It's like 3am over there..."

Seren would have asked but instead he answered the phone and slid out of the bed, still naked he went over to the window and scratched his head in confusion.

"What's the matter?" He asked, as he answered the phone without saying hello.

Seren was not privvy to what the other person was saying but the look on Rob's face was worrying her. He listened for a moment and then huffed and puffed.

"What do you want me to do about it now?" He asked, exasperated.

Seren got up and pulled her tshirt back on, deciding it would be better not to hear any of this. She went into the bathroom and checked herself in the mirror. But his voice carried through.

"You knew this was going to happen...You don't usually get so bothered about these things, why now?"

Splashing fer face with cold water, it seemed that Rob was getting more irritated by the second. She decided to wait until he was done before going back out there.

"This is bullshit, and nothing to do with me!" Kristen said, her voice lowered as if there was someone else there with her.

"I don't know what you want me to do!" Rob spat back.

"They got pictures of me filming in LA on the same day they got pictures of you together in New York. It's borderline psychotic how they expect people to believe that's me."

"What picture did they get?"

He heard the sounds of her turning the pages of a magazine. "Getting into a taxi. There's one of Tom too."

"And they didn't get Seren's face?"

Kristen sighed. "Obviously not, otherwise they wouldn't have named me as your mystery woman. I love you Rob, you know I do but this is just stupid now. If you're going to be with her, you're gonna have to reveal who she is otherwise the stories about us are just gonna snowball. Michael's been really understanding about it so far, but you know how he feels."

Rob winced. He'd only ever met Kristen's boyfriend once before and was still undecided about him. It wasn't that he disliked him as such, it was just obvious Michael was scoping him out from the first moment they met. And if there was one thing you take from Rob, that was face value.

"I'm sorry. I know... They just need to see her face. That's all...I know."

"I know you're afraid of being asked all about it, but don't you think if it was all that bad I'd have kept my relationship under lock and key? So they have pictures. It doesn't give them a god given right to start asking you about your private life."

And he knew she was right. And that was why he cared so much for her. She had a way of calming him against his worries. She had been doing this so much longer than he had. It was like she was a veteran who was 4 years younger than him.

"You obviously really like her." Kristen surmised.

Rob sighed longingly. "I love her Kris, or else why would I bother?"

Seren gasped. Kris? He was talking to Kristen? She wanted to demand his attention, but didn't want to interrupt either. Why was it that this girl bothered her so much? She knew she would probably like her in the end, just the apprehension of seeing them together made her wonder how the jealousy inside her would react to that. And she was jealous.

"Ok....Ok, I'll sort it out. Tell Michael it's gonna be done with soon. Ok....yeah....you too. Bye."

Seren appeared in the doorway and he slipped his phone into his jacket pocket that was laid on the chair beside him.

"You hungry?" He asked.

The night was alive with cold. She huddled closely to Rob and he wrapped his arm around her.

"So...Dean doesn't come everywhere with you?" She asked between chattering teeth.

"No, just when I'm working. You noticed he wasn't here last night?"

"Sorry....of course he wasn't. I'm just not sure how all this having a bodyguard stuff works."

Rob laughed and stopped infront of a little cafe, his arm slipping away so he could open the door for her. A blast of warm air invited her in. And as she turned she saw them flashing away, and she looked up at Rob.

"It's up to you. This will be part of your life if you are with me. I want you in my life, but if it's too much..."

She moved from his arm and went to the window of the cafe and stood looking at them . He came behind her and they sat together in the window. She looked over every now and then, giving her best "I am not Kristen Stewart" face. When she was satisfied they had done they moved to a booth at the back and ordered some coffee and pizza.

"That was classy." Rob remarked. "Thankyou."

But Seren was coy, and didn't think she needed one. "I told you I loved you and I meant it. And everything else that comes with loving you. Wherever you go, Wherever I go...It doesn't matter. We can make it work."

"Your faith in me is undeserved." Rob replied, " But I think you're right. I'll never stop trying to make this work."

And even though the flashes continued outside, they knew they were hidden from the world. And would only come out when they felt like it.