There was a real sense of Rob being upstairs that made Seren want to leave. She imagined his body snoozing on top of the covers, and ached to return to him so she could cover him and slip herself into the curve of his body. But Kristen was all too hospitable to say no to. She took her coffee and sat back down on the high stools. She watched Kristen pour her own coffee and noted the nervous way she had about her. Awkward and timid, but wholesome too.
"I wasn't sure if you wanted milk..." She said, passing a small jug across the counter.
Seren poured some in and stirred it. The taste of it against the whisky residue was strange, but her stomach somehow settled. And she wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or nerves.
"Thankyou." She said, and wondered where this whole thing was going.
"You know, I've never seen him like this before."
Seren was taken aback, but Kristen was smiling. She stirred the milk into her coffee and tapped it against the side of the cup.
"I didn't know him when he was with his last girlfriend, that's probably why."
Seren smiled back and tried to ease herself into the conversation lightly. Girl talk....something she usually reserved for people she knew a little better. She had been told about Kristen's evasiveness, expected her to be a closed book. But what she percieved now, was someone opening up without any reserve.
"How long have you known Rob?" She asked.
"About a year. Since before Twilight. We auditioned and rehearsed together before filming."
She wondered how Michael had taken that. But knew they weren't at a point in the conversation to air that thought.
"He thinks the world of you." She replied, and Kristen smiled again. But this time it was different. She looked out of the window longingly, as if avoiding Seren's eyes.
"It's shit like that which always gets in the way."
And immediately Seren saw that side of her she'd anticipated. She almost said sorry until Kristen shook her head, and returned to being the smiling girl.
"It's not that I don't....think the world of him too....it's just hard. We've got another two Twilight movies to do. Premieres, press junkets, photo shoots. And when the world expects something, they'll look into anything and make it something it isn't."
Seren tried to understand. "Must be hard for you."
"If I didn't have Michael, it would probably be easier. Because it bothers him so much. But now Rob has you...and there's no pretending. They can't pretend that shit anymore."
She was reffering to the media, in that same monotone way Rob did.
"It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks."
But Kristen seemed to get angry, and resentful. And Seren almost regretted agreeing to the coffee.
"What do you think?" She asked. And there it was one. The one thing neither of them had wanted to say.
Biting her lip, there was the urge to be honest. And the knowledge that keeping quiet would probably be easier. But the way Kristen looked at her was almost too much to bear. She wasn't the evasive hard nosed person she was portrayed to be. She wasn't aloof. She was heartbreakingly open, but only if she trusted you. Seren knew that. And here she was, in the palm of this girl's hand. She trusted her enough to ask. She owed her that much.
"I thought...at first, that you were his girlfriend. Before anything happened. But that's only because I was stupid enough to google his name. I had no idea who he was. I wanted to know. But then he told me the situation. And I knew he was telling the truth. So now I know what I know, and the world can go fuck itself."
Kristen held up her cup of coffee for a toast. Seren put hers up too.
"Amen to that." Kristen said.
And suddenly, in that moment, Seren wondered what the hell she'd been doing wasting her time worrying about this unassuming little woman who has obviously in love with her boyfriend, but who had managed to find a kindred spirit in someone else.
"I should probably get to bed." She said, not wanting to spoil the perfect commeraderie between them.
"I'm glad we had this talk." Kristen sighed, taking the now empty cups over to the sink. "I thought you might hate me or something."
Seren drew a long breath. "Whatever I thought, it was never that. I could never hate somebody he loves."
And Kristen's smile was bittersweet. "I can only hope he knows how lucky he is."
"To have us both." Seren replied, and Kristen nodded.
There was a genuine look of warmth between them then. And it occured to Seren that she had achieved what she came to do. Even though she hadn't known it at the time. To put to rest her doubts about this woman that her lover held in such high regard. If there was anything sexual in it, it was simply the chemistry portrayed on the screen. They loved each other, this was clear. But he didn't love Kristen like he loved her.
"I'm really glad he found you." She said then, unexpectedly. "He was drowning in this. And there was only so much I could do for him."
Drowning? She thought about his smile, his happy go lucky ways, his endearing sarcasm and the way he made everything ok. And then she thought about those camera's, those crowds. And felt guilty, because she'd done nothing to take the hurt away. Or maybe she had, and hadn't noticed....
"I never thought..." And she hesitated with the words. "Meeting him was the most unexpected thing in my life. I didn't even know I was drowning until he saved me."
Kristen moved towards her slowly, her face drawn serious and intent. "You saved each other, then."
"Something like that." Seren sighed.
"You know you'll never have it like regular people do."
But Seren shrugged. "There is nothing regular about it. I loved him quicker than I should have."
"I don't think love comes with the right speed." Kristen said, turning out the kitchen light and heading towards the stairs.
Seren followed her as she went into one of the bathrooms and handed her the toothpaste.
"Did you love Michael quickly, or slowly?" She asked, confident now that she could ask.
Kristen smiled, a quirky half smile as if she was remembering something sweet.
"I'm not sure. We met on a movie set and by the end of the shoot we were a couple. Some people would say that's quick, but it doesn't matter. You feel what you feel."
Seren could feel the waves of tiredness wash over her. It had been too long a night. She was still jet lagged and her body ached.
"Well...I guess I'll see you in the morning." She said, heading towards the room where Rob was sleeping.
Kristen nodded her ascent. "Goodnight."
Seren turned and put her hand up in farewell. "Night. And thanks again for the toothpaste."
Morning came too soon. The sound of Rob's phone vibrating on the nightstand reverberated around the sun drenched room. She had forgotten to close the curtains, somehow in her tired daze, and slipped into bed without knowing how bright it would be. Rob fumbled around and knocked his phone to the ground. Leaning out of the bed, Seren pushed the curtain closest to her away and realised if they were going to get any semblance of darkness she would have to get up and close them. She was dizzy and still dreaming as she pulled them shut and welcomed the relative darkness. Rob was already leaning over, searching with his eyes closed for the phone which refused to stop vibrating. He groaned as he picked it up and squinted into the screen. Seren put her head against the cold side of the pillow and wished it was still the middle of the night.
"Yes?" Rob grunted. "What, when? ....No.... I wasn't aware of that.....Well, I'll be back in two days....Can't you just change it? ....Well it would have been nice to have been told BEFORE I left....No, No....It's fine. Ok,bye."
"Problem?" Seren asked, her eyes still closed and unwilling to fully wake.
"That was my manager, Nick. Just some interview I'm meant to do today that he failed to tell me about. I can do it over the phone though. No big deal, It just means I'll have to take the call for about an hour or so. You don't mind?"
She mmm'd her response and tried to go back to sleep. But Rob's body heaving off the bed made her turn and she watched him go into the bathroom.
"Shit..." He proclaimed.
She peered into the bathroom through the open door. "Another problem?"
"You try taking a piss with a hard on." He muttered, and she smothered her giggles into the pillow which smelt of him.
"I can only imagine..." She guffawed.
When he was finished he came over to her and curled the bedsheets around them.
"Let's stay here all day." He whispered. " Fuck L.A..."
She wished she could agree to it. "You've got interviews, and I'm sure Kristen would love that."
But he didn't seem to care. "She'll be on set by now..."
And suddenly Seren remembered Kristen was still working, and somehow felt bad for keeping her up late talking.
"So we have the place to ourself?" She asked, feeling his hard on against her.
He would have gone further, if not for the unmistakeable sound of the cleaner moving about downstairs.
"Beach?" He asked, sighing disappointedly.
"Sure. But first..." And she kissed him on the lips and promised to be quiet.
He didn't protest. "I always get the horn when I'm hungover." He said, laughing as they pulled their clothes off.
Silently she let him get her aroused and when the moment came she bit her lip against the agonized moans she longed to release. He was going slow, trying to keep the bed movements to a minimum. And in the half light of the morning, he looked down on her longingly. She kissed him softly, and felt this time all the love surging between them. She whispered it to him once or twice, and he replied softly with "I love you....God, I love you..." As his lips brushed against her cheek.
It was in the moment, but more than that, she knew she had decided wholeheartedly. But in that moment, as they made love, she told him in fevered whispers, "I will sing again....I promise...I will sing..."
And he thrust harder, holding her body tighter as if this was his response. And she knew she'd made him happy as she felt him convulse inside her, and when they were done he had brought her to tears.
"Thankyou." She said.
But he shook his head. "You knew it, I think it wasn't me."
"Either way. You're the reason I'm here, the reason I finally dealt with it."
Rob's hand came across her stomach and traced the skin there. "I wish it could stay like this."
"Like in the movies?" She asked jokingly.
He laughed softly. "This is better than the movies. Movie love is as technical as it gets. None of it is smooth, or natural. Always choreographed. My first kissing scene with Kristen I was pulled back by a rope and slammed into a prop wall. My first kissing role at all was with a man...and that was no mean feat."
She loved listening to him, to his voice, the way he spoke. She barely noticed when he spoke about Kristen and for the first time that tinge of jealousy was not there.
"You came to New York to put roots down. And you've begun to do that. I wouldn't dream to ask you to come with me."
But I would, if you asked me. But you won't ask me, will you? Because you want the best for me...She thought, and was shocked by the bitterness of it.
"You are my roots. Every moment of real happiness I've had there is because of you. I could be anywhere in the world, and I'd be content. I think, perhaps, you are my home now."
The sentiment was genuine enough, and he knew it. New York would have been unbearable for him without her too. But here, in LA, everything felt different. He was different. So was she.
"Would it matter to you where we were, then?" He asked.
She thought about it. "I have moved my whole life. It's not a big deal. What are you saying?"
He shrugged and pulled away from her to grab the cigarettes from the night stand.
"Nothing. I've still got 4 weeks of shooting Remember Me left. It's enough time to be together before..."
Before everything changes. Before you leave for Vancouver and we must learn how to be together while we're apart.
"It doesn't matter now, does it?" She said, lighting up her cigarette and trying to forget.
He smiled and leaned back, inviting her into his arms. "No....not now. Now....we'll go to the beach."
But it did matter. And no amount of sun, sand, sea or sex could change that. But she resolved to sweep it under the carpet....for now.
"I'm really glad he found you." She said then, unexpectedly. "He was drowning in this. And there was only so much I could do for him."
Drowning? She thought about his smile, his happy go lucky ways, his endearing sarcasm and the way he made everything ok. And then she thought about those camera's, those crowds. And felt guilty, because she'd done nothing to take the hurt away. Or maybe she had, and hadn't noticed....
"I never thought..." And she hesitated with the words. "Meeting him was the most unexpected thing in my life. I didn't even know I was drowning until he saved me."
Kristen moved towards her slowly, her face drawn serious and intent. "You saved each other, then."
"Something like that." Seren sighed.
"You know you'll never have it like regular people do."
But Seren shrugged. "There is nothing regular about it. I loved him quicker than I should have."
"I don't think love comes with the right speed." Kristen said, turning out the kitchen light and heading towards the stairs.
Seren followed her as she went into one of the bathrooms and handed her the toothpaste.
"Did you love Michael quickly, or slowly?" She asked, confident now that she could ask.
Kristen smiled, a quirky half smile as if she was remembering something sweet.
"I'm not sure. We met on a movie set and by the end of the shoot we were a couple. Some people would say that's quick, but it doesn't matter. You feel what you feel."
Seren could feel the waves of tiredness wash over her. It had been too long a night. She was still jet lagged and her body ached.
"Well...I guess I'll see you in the morning." She said, heading towards the room where Rob was sleeping.
Kristen nodded her ascent. "Goodnight."
Seren turned and put her hand up in farewell. "Night. And thanks again for the toothpaste."
Morning came too soon. The sound of Rob's phone vibrating on the nightstand reverberated around the sun drenched room. She had forgotten to close the curtains, somehow in her tired daze, and slipped into bed without knowing how bright it would be. Rob fumbled around and knocked his phone to the ground. Leaning out of the bed, Seren pushed the curtain closest to her away and realised if they were going to get any semblance of darkness she would have to get up and close them. She was dizzy and still dreaming as she pulled them shut and welcomed the relative darkness. Rob was already leaning over, searching with his eyes closed for the phone which refused to stop vibrating. He groaned as he picked it up and squinted into the screen. Seren put her head against the cold side of the pillow and wished it was still the middle of the night.
"Yes?" Rob grunted. "What, when? ....No.... I wasn't aware of that.....Well, I'll be back in two days....Can't you just change it? ....Well it would have been nice to have been told BEFORE I left....No, No....It's fine. Ok,bye."
"Problem?" Seren asked, her eyes still closed and unwilling to fully wake.
"That was my manager, Nick. Just some interview I'm meant to do today that he failed to tell me about. I can do it over the phone though. No big deal, It just means I'll have to take the call for about an hour or so. You don't mind?"
She mmm'd her response and tried to go back to sleep. But Rob's body heaving off the bed made her turn and she watched him go into the bathroom.
"Shit..." He proclaimed.
She peered into the bathroom through the open door. "Another problem?"
"You try taking a piss with a hard on." He muttered, and she smothered her giggles into the pillow which smelt of him.
"I can only imagine..." She guffawed.
When he was finished he came over to her and curled the bedsheets around them.
"Let's stay here all day." He whispered. " Fuck L.A..."
She wished she could agree to it. "You've got interviews, and I'm sure Kristen would love that."
But he didn't seem to care. "She'll be on set by now..."
And suddenly Seren remembered Kristen was still working, and somehow felt bad for keeping her up late talking.
"So we have the place to ourself?" She asked, feeling his hard on against her.
He would have gone further, if not for the unmistakeable sound of the cleaner moving about downstairs.
"Beach?" He asked, sighing disappointedly.
"Sure. But first..." And she kissed him on the lips and promised to be quiet.
He didn't protest. "I always get the horn when I'm hungover." He said, laughing as they pulled their clothes off.
Silently she let him get her aroused and when the moment came she bit her lip against the agonized moans she longed to release. He was going slow, trying to keep the bed movements to a minimum. And in the half light of the morning, he looked down on her longingly. She kissed him softly, and felt this time all the love surging between them. She whispered it to him once or twice, and he replied softly with "I love you....God, I love you..." As his lips brushed against her cheek.
It was in the moment, but more than that, she knew she had decided wholeheartedly. But in that moment, as they made love, she told him in fevered whispers, "I will sing again....I promise...I will sing..."
And he thrust harder, holding her body tighter as if this was his response. And she knew she'd made him happy as she felt him convulse inside her, and when they were done he had brought her to tears.
"Thankyou." She said.
But he shook his head. "You knew it, I think it wasn't me."
"Either way. You're the reason I'm here, the reason I finally dealt with it."
Rob's hand came across her stomach and traced the skin there. "I wish it could stay like this."
"Like in the movies?" She asked jokingly.
He laughed softly. "This is better than the movies. Movie love is as technical as it gets. None of it is smooth, or natural. Always choreographed. My first kissing scene with Kristen I was pulled back by a rope and slammed into a prop wall. My first kissing role at all was with a man...and that was no mean feat."
She loved listening to him, to his voice, the way he spoke. She barely noticed when he spoke about Kristen and for the first time that tinge of jealousy was not there.
"You came to New York to put roots down. And you've begun to do that. I wouldn't dream to ask you to come with me."
But I would, if you asked me. But you won't ask me, will you? Because you want the best for me...She thought, and was shocked by the bitterness of it.
"You are my roots. Every moment of real happiness I've had there is because of you. I could be anywhere in the world, and I'd be content. I think, perhaps, you are my home now."
The sentiment was genuine enough, and he knew it. New York would have been unbearable for him without her too. But here, in LA, everything felt different. He was different. So was she.
"Would it matter to you where we were, then?" He asked.
She thought about it. "I have moved my whole life. It's not a big deal. What are you saying?"
He shrugged and pulled away from her to grab the cigarettes from the night stand.
"Nothing. I've still got 4 weeks of shooting Remember Me left. It's enough time to be together before..."
Before everything changes. Before you leave for Vancouver and we must learn how to be together while we're apart.
"It doesn't matter now, does it?" She said, lighting up her cigarette and trying to forget.
He smiled and leaned back, inviting her into his arms. "No....not now. Now....we'll go to the beach."
But it did matter. And no amount of sun, sand, sea or sex could change that. But she resolved to sweep it under the carpet....for now.
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