"So, it's nice to finally meet you." Stephanie said, sipping her soda water and peeling off her obviously expensive jacket.
Seren shuffled uncomfortably but managed to smile. "You too."
"I can see you're nervous but don't worry, whatever Rob told you this is entirely informal."
Which surprised Seren, as she envisioned it being somehow all important. But she was glad it was off the record. She could relax.
"So, tell me what you know and I'll tell you what you don't know." Stephanie said, putting her phone face up on the table between them.
"I'll just be honest with you. I came here on a complete whim that I'd be able to do this. I never saw a movie until a year ago. I have no idea what to do. I have no idea how this whole industry works. But I have passion, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes."
Stephanie smiled, but it was a little patronising. Like she'd heard all this before. Seren knew how contrite she sounded. She was just another little girl with a big dream.
"You're not sure what you really want." Stephanie said matter of factly. "But there's room to grow. I can't do much with you if there's no background, no experience. Even the greatest actors in the history of cinema had to start somewhere. Even Rob started with a drama group back in London."
She was starting to think this had been a bad idea.
"I had to find a job so I could afford to live here, otherwise I would have jumped into it feet first. But I..."
She would have continued but Stephanie was already waving her hand to stop.
"Honey, I know. Believe me, I know. I came to New York with ten dollars in my back pocket fifteen years ago. You do what you have to. I want to help you, I want to give you the chance thousands of guys like you never had. So I'm gonna need to see what you can do."
She went into her bag and pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to Seren.
"It's just a basic monologue. I'd like you to read it to me, sort of like a mini audition."
Seren scanned the page. It was the usual broken hearted shpeel, pretty monosyllabic. She read the first line in a low and tempered voice speaking of how she had lost her love. She allowed her voice to falter a little, as if on the verge of tears, her face contorted in quiet pain. And then she dropped the paper and sighed.
"I can't do this." She cried, still in her emotional pose. "I thought I could just come here and do this, but I can't."
Stephanie looked at her wide eyed.
"No...no, there's something in your voice....sing for me." She requested.
Seren looked at her peculiarly. "Sing?"
Stephanie was getting excited. "Humour me. Trust me? Sing....anything. We're alone here. No need to hold back."
She remembered herself on the commune humming along to the guitars her brothers played. They had sung together, and always gathered crowds to their caravans. She remembered fondly the shows they had put on as kids to the others in the commune. She had loved to sing. But she hadn't sung since.....and she blocked it out. Opened her eyes and began to sing a version of the song "Have a little faith in me" she had once heard. Everything drifted away and she was fully aware of her voice. Low pitched and smooth, but powerful. When she was done she looked at Stephanie. The harsh businesswoman had melted away, and in the corner of her eye she saw that she had begun to cry.
"My god....girl." Stephanie swallowed. "You're a singer."
Seren shrugged. "I want to be an Actress."
"Ah, but you can't deny what you already are. But you've known that all along, haven't you?"
And Seren crumbled. This stranger had brought her to the place she didn't want to be. To remember what she had fought so hard to forget.
"Why wont you sing?" She asked.
Seren took a deep sip of her coffee. "I don't want to sing. I want to Act."
But Stephanie shook her head. "You say you never saw a movie until a year ago. Something tells me you watched these movies and thought you could do that instead. But your passion says otherwise. I've known people arrive in this city penniless and the first day they arrive they come straight to the agents, the theatres. They camp outside the acting classes. But not you...Rob tells me you found a job in an open mic bar?"
She nodded, and closed her eyes against burgeoning tears. "That's true."
"Seren, you know what you are. And something tells me it's not an Actress. Why haven't you persued this?"
As politely as she could, Seren shook the tears away and said, "You're right. I put my singing away. But I can't talk about it. Please?"
Stephanie nodded and handed her a business card. "This is a friend of mine. If you ever find your voice again, give him a call. Tell him I gave you his card, he will see you immediately. And Seren....honey, you're not an Actress."
"You're distracted." Rob said at dinner.
"Sorry....what did you say?" Seren asked, picking up her fork and resuming her meal.
India and Rob shared their dismay.
"You said it went well with Stephanie today, why the long face?" India asked.
They were sitting at the table in the apartment, eating noodles and chicken. The tv was playing in the background, and she decided to use it as her decoy.
"Sorry....I was watching Tv. What were you saying?"
India rolled her eyes. "I was just saying my boss wants me to go with him to Seattle for a meeting this weekend. So you'll have the place to yourselves."
Seren smiled. "That'll be nice."
Rob put pushed his plate away. "Ok, this is just not you at all. What happened?"
"Nothing. Honestly, it went really well. Stephanie's great."
India picked up the plates and went into the kitchen, unconvinced. Rob sank back into his chair, those intense eyes scrutinising and wondering. She liked him best when he didn't ask, but the past couple of weeks she had come to realise he was a talker. And she would have to tell him, one way or the other. And not just because she knew he would be stubborn, and not let it drop. But because she loved him, and wanted him to know. And the more she learned about him, the more she loved him. And so there was no way of keeping it from him for much longer.
She moved from the table towards her room and he followed instinctually. He closed the door and held his arms out expectantly.
"Well?"
She put a cd into the player and turned the volume down. Van Morrison, one of Rob's cd's.
"So I never told you I could sing." She said, sitting down on the edge of her bed.
Rob shrugged, perpetually confused. "I don't understand?"
She took in a deep breath, and gave herself over to the inevitable conversation.
"Stephanie was brilliant today. She really understood me. She's really good at her job, too good."
Rob was still staring at her with that same disgruntled face.
"Do you promise to listen to me, and not say a word until I finish?" She asked.
His face softened and he went to her on the bed, pulling her into his arms. "Ok. Sure....I promise."
There was a pause, she pulled away from him and went over to open the window.
"Ok, so....You might not want to know me after you hear this." She sighed, and went to sit on the window ledge, her feet perched on the fire escape.
He came over to her, concerned and frustrated. "Do you really think so little of me?"
"Not you. Of me, perhaps."
His lips graced her forehead. "Have these past few weeks not shown you anything about my character?"
And she smiled because she had seen that compassionate side of him towards Emilie, as she faced the harrowing decision to divorce her husband. Rob had been patient with her on-set and supportive of her off-set. She had witnessed his tremendous kindness and ability to make others laugh.
"I've been singing since I was a kid. There was always someone with a guitar or whatever on the communes. But my Dad always encouraged me more than anyone. Because I was the little one, Because I was his...whatever I don't know. My brothers and my sister would always go and visit their Dad and I would be left behind with him and my Mom. It didn't bother me or anything, it just always brought it home that I was the odd one out. That they all had something in common that I didn't share. But afterwards....Kendra always said it was me they felt jealous of. Because they had to go visit their Dad and I had mine around and he was still with our Mom. They remembered when their Dad had been with Mom, obviously that was a life which had nothing to do with me. But I have memories of us all going to see their Dad at his Vineyard. I told you, and my Dad was there too. Everyone always seemed to be on the best of terms. I had no idea...I thought he was the greatest person in the world. Everybody liked him, my Mom adored him. Always he would have me sing, at family parties or commune gatherings or whatever occasion, even when there was no occasion. He raved about my voice to anyone who would listen..."
She stopped, dropped her voice as the tears descended. Rob came and held her close and she buried her face into his chest.
"That doesn't sound so bad to me. My Dad was the one who got me to go to Drama classes. There's nothing wrong with it." He told her.
But she shook her head. "No, no it's not for a Dad who is just a regular Dad. Mine....there's something you need to know..."
He didn't say a word. He looked at her but didn't speak. And she ached to tell him. But some things were just too hard to say.
"God, I need a drink..." She said then, faltering.
"If I get you one, will you stop making excuses?" He said wryly.
She nodded compliantly and allowed him to fetch the bottle of wine from the dinner table. India was standing outside the door and came in as Rob came out.
"Are you sure about this?" She whispered.
"What would you have me do? I can't keep it from him, his agent would tell him everything. And then I'd have to tell him anyway! I wish I'd never gone today! I never expected this to happen!"
India looked away and moved as Rob came back with two glasses of wine.
"I'm gonna head in the shower." She said, closing the door behind her.
Seren downed the wine and sighed.
"It's something to do with your Dad isn't it? Why you don't sing anymore?"
She was surprised by his intuition. But glad of it. She met his eyes and swallowed hard.
"We were at a new Commune. One we had never been to before. Dad had bumped into an old friend and he asked me to sing. I'd learned the play the guitar for myself, I was just playing to a small group and then more gathered. Which is what usually happened. I had about 30 people around me, Dad by my side always watching them watching me. I'd met this boy the day before. He was eighteen, too old for me. But we'd had fun together, there was nothing in it. We were never alone, not really. And for just one day, talking and messing around there was no way anything could have happened. And that night I saw what kind of man my Dad really was. And what me singing had brought about."
The tears came. Like a crack in a dam bursting. She tried to pull them in, but she lost control and let him hold her. The warm darkness enveloped her, his arms holding her tight and her eyes clamped shut against what she didn't want to see. But it was always worse when she closed her eyes. For six years she'd kept it hidden inside where nobody could talk to her about it. Those closest to her had learnt to ask. Those who got close enough would soon know not to. But not now. It had surprised her how she had opened up so quickly to a complete stranger, how she had agreed to sing for Stephanie when she hadn't sung for years for those closest to her. She put it down to nerves. But they had been nothing compared to this.
Rob began to breathe heavier. Like he was starting to almost panic. She pulled away from him and realised she had cried all over his shirt. He didn't notice.
"Seren, please. Whatever it is. Just tell me."
"It's been a month since we met. Only a month. Hardly enough time to know what we can and can't handle from eachother..."
But Rob gasped. "What?! Are you kidding me? In a month you've had to deal with your face splashed across magazine pages, paparazzi in your face....You've taken my baggage and now, frankly, I'm offended you wont let me take yours on! A month? It took me a whole year to tell Nina I loved her. I don't think there's ever been any time constraints to what we have."
And as she wiped away her tears, she knew he was right.
"Ok, you're right. Come here....I'll tell you everything."
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